Dinner: Civil or Savage

I would like to say that I commonly act civil at restaurants or generally in public. But my behavior today was inexcusable and it would be a compliment to say I acted like a savage. It all started at the beach. The three younger sisters and I went to the beach with Dad and I was sure it was going to be a great time...and we did. Until me and my closest in age sister decided to go way too far out to the point I was panicking because the current was so strong. I found myself getting further and further away from shore no matter how hard I was swimming. I called for help and for my younger sister to get Dad. But the younger sister said she could not hear me so she came closer to hear me- yes, closer to the current I was trapped in. My dad must have noticed something was wrong because he started coming towards us. I could see the panic in his eyes as he realized that three out of his four daughters were being sucked out to sea. He sent my youngest sister who was the closest to shore to get to the sand and stay there until he saved us. I started swimming with all my might but there is a point where your body and your will fight with each other. Your mind says, "No! There is no way I'm going to drown. There is no way I am going to stop trying for shore". But your body says, "I can't do it anymore" It gives up. And I could feel my body giving up. The feeling I can most relate it to is the feeling when you're jogging. After you have jogged for an extensive amount of time, a substance, I believe is called lactic acid, is released and your muscles feel a stinging fatigue. Now imagine this feeling in your thighs, calves, triceps, and head. I was full of anxiety. In the water, I remember thinking of God but not asking for his help. You would think that would be the first thing a Christian would do- "JESUS SAVE ME! GIVE US YOUR STRENGTH!".......but I didn't. Why didn't I? I have no idea. I remember thanking Him after my dad pushed my sister out of the current- after swallowing about a cup of salt water. We sat on the sand, breathless, thinking how bad the situation could have been and probably regretting to swim at a beach that read "No lifeguards. Swim at own risk"
Anyways, we went home- almost like nothing happened. Nobody really talked about it on the way home because it brought feelings of uneasiness on my dad- who still scared about how real the situation was. He decided he would take us all out to dinner- including Mom. We sit at the table and then I start to get annoyed with my sister, Rachel, the second to youngest. Stupid things were bothering me:
-that she was couldn't get herself out of the current and made my day use up all his strength and energy
-She would not says sorry for a rude statement she made
-She hurt my grandma's feelings
-She hurt my mom's feelings
-She was rolling her eyes
Basically, no one wanted to hang out with her because of her attitude. Now the Christian thing to do was to address the problem in love and if needed discipline and correct the problem. Did I do that? No. Sadly, no. I relied on words. I criticized her harshly to the point I made her cry. And the worst part about it was I felt good when she started crying. Like her crying somehow was the punishment for her behavior and that she would realize she was wrong. But I was wrong. It was too hard not to act out of my flesh. I chose the wrong and chose to indulge in my sinful nature.....I regret it yes. But it is to the point that I don't know how to handle a sister who won't listen to you- who walks away when you tell her to do something- it. is. frustrating. I guess I could ask people to pray for her. But pray for me- because I see I need to change....
The Christian Life Is Not Easy: The Holy Spirit will convict you where you are wrong. And buddy it don't feel good but you know it's good for you:)

Getting Started

There are starts to many things. Start of a new job. Start of a new adventure. And in my case starting college....with my sister. I was super excited for this adventure...but stresses have entered the situation that I did not prepare for. Ah stress. Always seems to creep its way through everything I do. But Jesus said to be anxious for nothing. How can I do that Jesus? How did you even do that?! It astounds me. I worry from things like whether I forgot my wallet at home to wondering if I'll be a good wife and mother to thinking if I'm setting the right example for my younger sisters of what a Christian Woman should be...and let me tell you- it's not easy. I have been failing in this area because trials get the best of me when they shouldn't... because the Christian Life Is Not Easy.